Please forgive the vast number of trailers I've posted this week

I hope this is funny and offensive in the good way. Not in the way Semi-Pro sucked.

The Republican Party

Preparations are being made for the annual summer list of good-ass albums to listen to.


It's like an NPR "listen to this shit" list. Except with more rural influence.

Stay tuned. Happy weekend.

Nowak Attack: Sappy Edition

I may or may not be excited for these movies, and by "may or may not" I mean am.

This looks promising: ADAM



But more importantly: 500 Days of Summer

Recently I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My parents loved her. The reasons for which my parents believed this were as followed:

-She's smart.
-She's pretty.
-She's funny.
-She gives me shit to keep me in check, but not too much shit.

It was a great weekend overall but at one point I smashed the glass basin for the hookah my friend in Iraq had just sent me. That was definitely NOT cool and everyone at the barbeque did one of the simultaneous awkward quiet things where I felt like the boy that just fell off his bike and no one wanted to say anything because they all felt so bad.

At one point during the weekend my girlfriend said that she "finally understood all my dynamics"

The reason I believe for this was her lack of understanding for my rural-ness.

She didn't understand my love for UFC fighitng, or my transcendental/linear binary.

Then she met my dad. And he loves the same shit I do (kayaking, drinking, UFC, getting nagged at by my mother, etc.)

But you need to understand that my dad has this strange love for being smothered by material possessions and yet wants to live in a cabin somewhere out in the Cascades. (The last three books he's read were "Into the Wild", "On the Road", and "Travels With Charley".)

And then she met my friends, whom I closely identify with but are much less self-aware. They are also the pinnacle of immaturity, which I think is something I also closely identify because I often wish I was still that narrow-minded and ignorant of the world, but oh well, it's my fault I thought college was a good idea anyways.

But the weirdest thing above all was the fact I realized that my parents are also much the same way. Not that they aren't self-aware (TRUST ME, they are), but more in the sense that they've adapted to the homogenized bubble of sanity known as my hometown.

Example: Me and my mom began drinking on Saturday night, and as usual we got into a heated argument regarding politics (this only happened because my friend confuses "socialism" and "terrorism" and "communism" as the same word.) My mom is stating facts that she believes are true to the Republican Party, and yet I persist in arguing that Republicans are no longer Conservative. Then she (and this happens a lot in my family) cites that Obama is a poor extemporaneous speaker (in my argumentation class this is known as the "hedging" fallacy).

Ok... but then my dad in his best Kofi Annan impression tries to mediate the situation by telling us both that it's all irrelevant. THEN my girlfriend tries to help. The four of us (four because my friend decides to randomly leave the argument in order to try and fuck the girl he was with) begin shouting and then it turns into a discussion between my girlfriend and me, and this is when both my parents start quieting down because they noticed she was using words like "construct", "post-modernism", and "binary" and I start using words like "pragmatism", "salubrious". Her big words calm me down and I look to my parents who are both smiling and fascinated that she could calm me down to a neutral agreement

It occurred to me then that my parents realized that they're boy is one of them "edu-macated" types, and it was a weird sense because I then realized that they are both so linear in their thought processes that they never tried reaching a consensus, it's always been narrow-minded thought that didn't ask the question of "why" in the overall spectrum-sense. And then my dad wrestled my friend and bruised his chest.

I had some sort of conclusion but I forgot what it was.

Awkward Situations

There's a fine line that can get murky very often regarding flirtation and socializing.

The line is in between these two scenarios:

a. Looking like you don't know how to hit on someone

b. Making small talk in an environment that doesn't necessarily facilitate any conversation.

thus was the case this morning when I think my jogging instructor mistook my awkward small-talk

Ain't Got No Money, Honey. Unemployment and Selfish Temptations of the Flesh...

Recently I was driving back from Spokane and stopped just after the gorge to make kissy-faces and admire a canyon (I encourage most to do the same). During the middle of this pit stop I received a phone call from my best friend. He made me aware that we were both looking at unemployment for the entire summer. He said he had looked at craigslist and all he could find were jobs in Europe. The only two he found worth a damn were the following:

A. A male escort in Madrid. (we both agreed you would definitely stay in shape.)

B. Working as a *ahem* webcamera actor in Germany doing very dirty things online for your customers (the benefit here is you could work from home, and talk to your mom on skype).


I'm looking for A.M. radio station or city council internships in Vancouver and he's looking at full time masturbation.

I called him again recently and again, found their was JACK SHIT available for money.

two hours later he sent me the following message:

From: _____ _______
Subject: since we don't have jobs this summer..
Message: The 24-24 Challenge




We're not even sure if it's feasible... But thank you, sick bastards.

Then it made me think of every time a 6th grader has told me a term on the bus that I had no idea.

Example: I remember back three years ago me and my cronies were at a basketball game and somehow I got into a heated verbal discourse with an 11-year-old (I thought he had stolen my friend's dvd of "What About Bob?") who at the end of our argument told me that he gave my mother "Arabian Goggles" and a "Mexican Blowtorch"

And then there was the one time I had to explain (yes, HAD to) to my parent's dinner party what a "Houdini" was.

UrbanDictionary.com will be the end of the world. If somehow Sean Hannity, Al Franken, Kathy Griffin, and Nickelback formed into one homogeneous blob with UrbanDictionary, you would get the Cloverfield monster.

The Best

Star Trek and Spokane

OK so like I've been saying all week, I'm not a huge fan of Star Trek, but I can really appreciate a franchise that has so many followers for 40+ years.  

That being said, I went and saw Star Trek on (oh god) opening night.  Of course, being that the only place that was showing it was in this podunk-ass mall that prides itself on 80s architecture and an odd assortment of Japanese and Western (not as in this hemisphere, but as in cowboy) oriented shops.

But that did not stop the 8-15 Trekkies from showing up unannounced at 10:05.

But here's the thing, They were all women and all oddly attractive.  I mean, every facet of nerd was there except they were neither sweaty nor antisocial. It was baffling.

As well, Star Trek was indeed FUCKING AMAZING.  Holy God.  So good.

Blog to come. It involves hot trekkies and propaganda.

I find it a little odd that the only thing keeping me together during this time of insanity and instability is a cover of "Girls Just Want To Have Fun"

Starfucker - Girls Just Want To Have Fun (Cyndi Lauper cover)

This month is going to be fucking crazy.  Here we go.