The Forces of Evil

You know that scene at the end of Revenge of the Sith where Anakin is getting his legs melted off in the lava after getting his shit rocked by Obi Wan and Obi Wan is in angry tears and disappointment and he's yelling "You were suppose to be the chosen one!" and then he walks away with his head down?



That's what it feels like listening to Jack Johnson's Sleep Away the Static

Merry Christmas

"Remember, no man is a failure who has friends."

No Subject

Recently I had a night that was almost exactly like the song "Don't Think Twice It's All Right".


I say this because I'm listening right now to it and went, "Wait, didn't that actually happen to me like two nights ago?"

Last Wednesday's Playlist (except I forgot to post the last two weeks)

December 10:

Jane's Addiction: Just Because
Her Space Holiday: The New Kid Revival
Buena Vista Social Club: Chan Chan
Love is All: Rumours
Jenny Lewis: Trying My Best To Love You
Rufus Wainwright: Cigarettes and Chocolote Milk
Chuckanut Drive: Reno to Vegas
Starf*cker: German Love
Japanese Motors: Single Fins & Safety Pins
Jay Reatard: Sea Saw
Merle Haggard: Mama Tried
The Presidents of the USA: Some Postman
Vivian Girls: Tell the World
Ra Ra Riot: Dying is Fine
1990s: See You At The Lights
Ray LaMontagne: You Are The Best Thing
Noah and the Whale: 5 Years Time
The Moondoggies: Ain't No Lord
TV on the Radio: Stork & Owl
Gregory and The Hawk: Grey Weather
Johnny Cash: Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
Kimya Dawson: Happy Home (Keep On Writing)
Cold War Kids: Something is Not Right With ME
The Velvet Underground: Sweet Jane
The Little Ones: Morning Tide
F*cked Up: Golden Seal
Belle & Sebastian: Stars of Track and Field
Band of Horses: The First Song
Sufjan Stevens: Casimir Pulaski Day

December 3:

The Hold Steady: Massive Nights
Starf*cker: German Love
Cold War Kids: Mexican Dogs
Her Space Holiday: The New Kid Revival
Ra Ra Riot: Too Too Too Fast
Colin Meloy: Culling of the Fold
Chuckanut Drive: Reno to Vegas
Japanese Motors: Single Fins & Safety Pins
Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin: Pangea
Cat Power: Naked If I Want To
The Emeralds: All My Love For You
CSS: Rage (Rat is Dead)
Okkervil River: Singer Songwriter
The Streets: Everything is Borrowed
Kellarissa: Night Wind
Merle Haggard: Sing Me Back Home
Blitzen Trapper: Gold For Bread
Horse Feathers: Heathen's Kiss
Land of Talk: Some are Lakes
I'm From Barcelona: Houdini
Iron & Wine: Upward Over The Mountain
My Morning Jacket: Gideon
Kimya Dawson: Tire Swing

No subject

There's something very "1984" about Costco that I can't seem to put my finger on...

gettin my nails did

The other day I went to a nail salon with my mom because she needed her nails did, and well, I needed a ride into town to get some shopping done. Two peculiar things happened there.

Now the nail salon was entirely run by Asian immigrants. Of what descent I'm not entirely sure. However, the female nail technicians had almost no issue psuedo-hitting on me in front of my mom, whom I was sitting next to eating a scone and drinking crappy coffee. I'm not sure how this was suppose to make my mom feel, but apparently she was pleased because she gave the woman a $20 tip (wtf?)

I prefaced the story about them being non-natives not because I'm attempting to enforce stereotypes (which I apparently do all the time...) But because it caused quite a stir in my attempt to sway the store owner's preference for Drew Carey over Bob Barker.

You see, we were watching The Price Is Right in between the storm coverage of what channel 8 labeled "Arctic Blast".

Besides the fact that dude fucking rocked my shit on price guessing, he refused to change his belief in Carey's dominance over Barker. But I realized about 20 minutes into our verbal battle royale that there is no substitute for growing up for 18 consecutive years with the comforts of Bob Barker always there for you every morning at 10 o'clock.

From what I gathered from our conversation I gathered this man was pretty fresh to the U.S. scene. He kept using his opening statement of "Bob Barker was too old" while I kept arguing "Drew Carey just isn't the same", and I realized that you really have to have stuck with the show for as long as I have to have the same preference, and other nations just don't appreciate consumerist game shows like we do.


If you ever get sucked into going to a nail salon with your mom, pray she doesn't go to one of those white chick salons. I guarantee you won't have the same experience.

Drunk. Alphabet.

I literally have not been home in 2 days.


A. The god damn snow. I don't care if it looks "like Christmas". I don't need or want to go 25 on the backroads. And it shouldn't last for more than the week it has.

B. Marines have the drinking tolerance of angry Irish dock worker in the 1930s, and expect nothing less of yourself.

C. The isolation I've experienced has been dwindling. But, man, that initial week here was very odd.

D. I've finally come to experience in it's entirety a Republican rant. Several times actually... with the phrase "Obama is a dip-shit!" included.

E. You can research and watch and read every piece of information about the Iraq War. You will never understand the war more than when you talk to someone who is about to relocate there in less than a month.

F. I really wish my sister would stop taking my IPod to listen to my Dashboard Confessional albums.

G. My Christmas spirit has disappeared drastically. It's become more like "Fuck you, you little consumerist whore" spirit.

H. Now don't get me wrong. I'm a fully admitted consumerist. But I'm not one to take the whole excitement associated with it and reciprocate it via blind lack of acknowledgment and paying $34.99 for the 5x7 framed photo of your son(s)/daughter(s) sitting on a strangers lap, who just happens to be dressed up like Santa.

I. I took more pleasure out of getting my family really expensive shit (including an attempt of financial rape via buying my friend's xbox 360 for 75% the original sticker price) than I have ever before.

J. It's incredibly difficult to do the following whilst drunk: smoke in a car that has no functioning windows, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare, talk about anything other than politics and sex, not saying the "F" word, pool.

K. I've never seen such love and affection between two people in my life as I have with my best friend and his girlfriend. It's one those "makes you put some optimism back into your concept of love" loves.

L. Example: Several weeks ago my friend was concerned when he was in the middle of a conversation between his girlfriend and her friend. They were interested in getting their hands on some coke and he came to my room looking for advice. We proceeded to smoke for 20 minutes outside by the building. I simply gave him the advice I always do: "Nick, be a fucking man and go talk to her." To which he did. Several hours later he found me again with a big fat smile on his face (which I'm sure was associated with sex) and he told me that she had said (after explaining his concern about her doing coke) "I don't understand why you'd be worried about talking to me about this... The fact alone that you show this concern just makes me know that you love me that much more"

M. It's very difficult to have your heart melt in a manly way, but think I pulled it off. I think I used a lot of fist bumping...

N. Plus it makes me happy to see someone that genuinely happy after trudging through so many crazy bitches

O. My dad has no idea how to shop. None

P. My mom has no idea how to comprehend the fact that my dad has no idea how to shop. None

Q. My apologies if the punctuation and grammar isn't what it could be in this b. log

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tales of glory, wrecked metal, isolation, conservative ideals, community colleges, lo-fi music, non-smoking, and all natural fruit smoothies

Little ditty:

So the back-story here is I was on duty my last week of the quarter, i.e. all my finals were done by Tuesday at noon and literally had all the time in the world from then until the following Sunday at 7 am.


Well with my fucking luck it starts fucking snowing Saturday fucking night. Like, snowing. Sideways, fucking sideways. So i rush outside to maneuver my tire chains in the snow (with no clue how to whatsoever) as the other r.a. on duty is holding my mag-lite and freezing her ass off. and then i sled with collegues, watch more Dexter episodes, compare ourselves to the Beatles, etc.


So it's 8 am the following morning. My stuff is ready to go. In the trunk. My car has defrosted, I have scraped all ice, and I trudge my way through the snow and onto the freeway.


Things are good and the roads are increasingly more and more dry, so by Mount Vernon I pull off at a gas station, remove said chains and keep moving.

Well for reasons unknown the snow and ice actually get worse as I head into Everett. My wiper fluid is frozen, and the only way to clear the mud off my car is to drive near semi's that kick up snow and water for me to wipe my car with. Well it gets so bad that I end up having to pull over on the freeway to take napkins to the windshield in feeble attempts to clear up my vision.

So I do, and move on.


Now I get back in the car zoom onto the speed as the approaching traffic, and change lanes.


Now... I'm used to swerving on occasion when it's raining, but that's not what happened here. I literally loose control, swerve all the way left (thank god my 11th grade physics teacher told me never to brake when you lose control on ice)

then it juts me straight again, but this time i swerve exactly 90 degrees and am now facing right with my car.

then for reasons unknown my car goes back the previous direction and I literally 360 twice in a counterclockwise motion IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING FREEWAY.


how i didn't hit anyone else or the guardrails is beyond me.

well about 30 seconds later I realize "oh, right, I literally almost killed myself!" to which I violently shake as I pull onto the offramp, find the nearest grocery store parking lot, and smoke about 16 cigarettes, get a cup of coffee (which, by the way, if you ever almost die, it doesn't make for great small talk with the person in line, because I scared the crap out of the old lady in line who worked at the Top Foods.) and smoked about 12 more cigarettes.


Now several things saved my life that day:
1. The night before my co-worker wished me a safe trip home, to which I actually acknowledged mentally for the first time anyone has ever said that to me
2. I prayed the previous night asking for a safe trip
3. I smoked my lucky cigarette just before I left and was hoping it would bring me luck.


and now it's almost 2, I'm finally rested. I've had many beers with Vance and Nick. No one is home yet. and I have to get up before noon so I can have a chat with an old mentor about Barry Goldwater and how to rationalize my cynicism with being a conservative. And then we'll talk about realignment and how to privatize social security.


I really wish people wouldn't take a month...


Just being in this town for two days makes me feel very isolated from what I remember and enjoyed. To quote a recent email to a friend:

"But I think because I've been unable to really feel like I'm serving a purpose occupying this town that I feel almost shunned from this place. Literally nothing is holding me to obligation and so with this freedom and independence I'm kinda aimlessly wandering around battle ground. but because of this, i'm restless and can't focus on my readings or seasons of dexter to be watched."


hopefully it doesn't snow tomorrow so i can go see Milk.


and this whole post is to be read while listening to the mountain goats.



Goodnight, Moon.

Dermatology

If you ever so happen to arrive at a dermatology office hungover around Thanksgiving you will realize something:


-Paranoia sets in something awful.


because there was never a moment where you think "I bet that guy has herpes. I bet that grandma has a horrible rash. Who the hell knows why that guy is here... etc."


I guarantee that there is no such thing as a non-disgusting reason to go to the dermatologists office, and I doubt that anybody else there was there for an acne medication prescription like I was.


and I think that the sterilized jazz versions of 80s rock just adds to the intensity of regret after touching the People magazines sprawled amongst the end tables.


fyi dermatologists find heroin jokes HILARIOUS when you're getting your blood drawn

My thoughts on Quantum of Solace

Nit-Pickers: shut the fuck up and let me enjoy my James Bond.



and it's definitely not shocking to see that many Ford vehicles in a movie based around an evil environmentalist



...definitely can't pull off a peacoat like Daniel Craig, but I can damn well try

Driving Observations

uno:

when buyin​g an Infin​ity does it come with a manda​ted packa​ge of flyin​g acros​s three​ or more lanes​ going​ 80?


becau​se I saw at least​ 3 diffe​rent Infin​ities​ doing​ it


dos:

What the fuck is Kanye​ West singi​ng for? He sound​s like a skinn​y T-​Pain.​

ruine​d my first​ 20 minut​es while​ I was tryin​g to hear an actua​l rap song.​



and now I sit prete​nding​ to write​ my study​ guide​s for final​s and watch​ing Rick Steve​s'​ Europ​ean Chris​tmas speci​al.​

what a fucki​n'​ stud

I've been trying to sort my thoughts on paper and mentally to try and figure out what I believe and disregard.


as I've been making this transition I've come to realize that I've experienced so many things that I couldn't possibly comprehend anymore life altering experience without mental ooze trickling out of my ears.


But then I realized that I'm not even close.


I've still got to get married one day

and have kids

and learn to house myself outside of a campus.

Not to mention the 2 more years ahead of this one full of knowledge.



My brain is sooooooooo fucked.