Awkward Situations

There's a fine line that can get murky very often regarding flirtation and socializing.

The line is in between these two scenarios:

a. Looking like you don't know how to hit on someone

b. Making small talk in an environment that doesn't necessarily facilitate any conversation.

thus was the case this morning when I think my jogging instructor mistook my awkward small-talk

Ain't Got No Money, Honey. Unemployment and Selfish Temptations of the Flesh...

Recently I was driving back from Spokane and stopped just after the gorge to make kissy-faces and admire a canyon (I encourage most to do the same). During the middle of this pit stop I received a phone call from my best friend. He made me aware that we were both looking at unemployment for the entire summer. He said he had looked at craigslist and all he could find were jobs in Europe. The only two he found worth a damn were the following:

A. A male escort in Madrid. (we both agreed you would definitely stay in shape.)

B. Working as a *ahem* webcamera actor in Germany doing very dirty things online for your customers (the benefit here is you could work from home, and talk to your mom on skype).


I'm looking for A.M. radio station or city council internships in Vancouver and he's looking at full time masturbation.

I called him again recently and again, found their was JACK SHIT available for money.

two hours later he sent me the following message:

From: _____ _______
Subject: since we don't have jobs this summer..
Message: The 24-24 Challenge




We're not even sure if it's feasible... But thank you, sick bastards.

Then it made me think of every time a 6th grader has told me a term on the bus that I had no idea.

Example: I remember back three years ago me and my cronies were at a basketball game and somehow I got into a heated verbal discourse with an 11-year-old (I thought he had stolen my friend's dvd of "What About Bob?") who at the end of our argument told me that he gave my mother "Arabian Goggles" and a "Mexican Blowtorch"

And then there was the one time I had to explain (yes, HAD to) to my parent's dinner party what a "Houdini" was.

UrbanDictionary.com will be the end of the world. If somehow Sean Hannity, Al Franken, Kathy Griffin, and Nickelback formed into one homogeneous blob with UrbanDictionary, you would get the Cloverfield monster.

The Best

Star Trek and Spokane

OK so like I've been saying all week, I'm not a huge fan of Star Trek, but I can really appreciate a franchise that has so many followers for 40+ years.  

That being said, I went and saw Star Trek on (oh god) opening night.  Of course, being that the only place that was showing it was in this podunk-ass mall that prides itself on 80s architecture and an odd assortment of Japanese and Western (not as in this hemisphere, but as in cowboy) oriented shops.

But that did not stop the 8-15 Trekkies from showing up unannounced at 10:05.

But here's the thing, They were all women and all oddly attractive.  I mean, every facet of nerd was there except they were neither sweaty nor antisocial. It was baffling.

As well, Star Trek was indeed FUCKING AMAZING.  Holy God.  So good.

Blog to come. It involves hot trekkies and propaganda.

I find it a little odd that the only thing keeping me together during this time of insanity and instability is a cover of "Girls Just Want To Have Fun"

Starfucker - Girls Just Want To Have Fun (Cyndi Lauper cover)

This month is going to be fucking crazy.  Here we go.

So I found out today that MGMT sued Nicholas Sarkozy's political party  for using "Kids" during the French election campaign.  I think they won like $30,000 in damages (which I have NO idea how they calculated)

Now I have two trains of thought on this:

-The first is "Fuck yeah! Artistic integrity!

-The second is "Why is France so cool?"

How is it Obama is still using crappy singles from Stevie Wonder and Curtis Mayfield, 

or worse McCain using "Barracuda" and parody songs by Hank Williams Jr.

Seriously.  How have we cultivated so much amazing music in the past 80 years and yet we've yet to acknowledge any of it outside of a couple Bruce Springsteen songs (Reagan)? And not even the good ones!

Is MGMT even a popular enough band to sway the masses of commercial appeal in France?  

Something I've noticed with the two parties in the states here and their preference in music.

If you're a Democrat; you play it safe.  You stay with the classics, and I mean the CLASSICS. No disputable bands.  The Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan, The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix.  If you're an edgy Dem you might say Led Zeppelin or The Who.  Typical waffle.  If they ask about new stuff then I think U2 would be acceptable, but only if you talk about "The Joshua Tree".

If you're a Republican; you pretend to be hearty.  You stay with the blue collar pander.  Bob Segar, BTO, Springsteen (maybe), ZZ Top.  If you're a Ted Stevens-esque Republican you might say Buck Owens, Merle Haggard ("Okie from muskogee" era Hagg), emphasis on Johnny Cash.

My election playlist:

To pander to the right: Neil Young, Boston, in fact, in any red state campaign I would start every speech with "More Than A Feeling".  The Flaming Lips (now I know this is a stretch but I KNOW I would get Oklahoma's electoral points), The Hold Steady, definitely Merle Haggard.

To pander to the left: Stevie Wonder but only from "Music of my Mind", Marvin Gaye, Wilco (I have a feeling many future Democrats will listen to Wilco.) , The Shins, Oasis (because it's punk but just punk enough), Feist (because then I'm almost certain my mom would vote for me)

I would not mention The Strokes, The White Stripes, or The Thermals.  Well maybe The White Stripes, but not likely because it's a little pandery in general.  It's like copping out with The Beatles.

I would subtly disregard any claims against disliking Radiohead, because that would really hurt me in the polls.  I would, however, put out a personal statement against M.I.A.

BUT to prove my edginess: Peter Frampton, Public Enemy, Paul McCartney solo work, and The Darkness.

I went to the Cold War Kids show in Seattle last Wednesday

And they were great.

But a little word of advice, Crystal Antlers. Don't expect everyone from Seattle to not have any concept of geographical demographics.


The story: Me and a couple colleagues went to see Cold War Kids but the opening act was a band by the name of Crystal Antlers.

Now my friend (whom I consider my post-hardcore friend) told me they were good.

(sidenote: Whenever me and this friend talk about music, our rule of thumb is whenever one tells the other that a band is good on any capacity, we automatically assume that we will dislike said band.)


As was the accenting opinion of the entire crowd. (this was not out of snobbery, it was just a preference, which I'll explain later.)


ANYWAYS my point is this;

If you're a lower-middle class bourgeoisie foursome of white kids, NO ONE will believe you're from Compton, as was their claim at the show.

It was worse when they said, "We're Crystal Antlers and we're from Compton, California" I gut-laughed a little to hard and they heard me. I hadn't gotten the hairy eyeball from the performers like that since I tried heckling a local rapper (he had it coming) and almost got my ass kicked.

AND when I got home at 2am the only thing that was on was that Carson Daly show. It was at the end of the show and Carson is saying (and I'm paraphrasing here) "Hey check this band, they're called Crystal Antlers and they're from Long Beach, CA. Ya know, like Sublime, blah blah blah."

Cut to me standing in my underwear about to fall asleep and whispering "Mother fuckers."

Courtesy of the operations director at KUGS

www.marriedtothesea.com