A Cat Power biography? WTF?!

Yeah I know...

The Link

The Inevitable Surge of Vitamin B

I forgot what it was like to sweat.  (Partially because my physical activities consist of, wait, nevermind)

But four things are contributing to this reversal:

1. My kayaking.

2. My jogging (pronounced "yogg-ing")

3. Seeing a cigarette on any media medium (as I've gone... 36 hours w/o)

and...

4. The fucking sun (?) !

It's literally been long enough where I forgot that you can sweat by walking a horizontal plane when it happens to be 68 degrees out.

So of course this required me to do one thing: music (pronounced "mews-ack")

I realized that since my hard drive crashed (from all that porn) I lost my playlists of nostalgia.

So it's a new declaration of terms this quarter.  I'm rapidly trying to get my preverbial shit together and I figured some new things would help.

And so I've decided to make a list of the things that are helping with the fluidity of this life transition.

(it's basically an Oprah's Nowak's Favorite Things List, with about 2,000 mg of Vitamin B)

starting off is this link to a very good song to drive to on the freeway with the windows down.

Seriously though, it changes religious ideologies.

And expect a list on the left hand side of Business Time very soon.

and everyone smells like cocoa butter.

As he takes a drag off his cigarette and then puts it out on brick wall he sits on.

Now the thing about Natalie Portman's Shaved Head is they just aren't good enough to really sell a show by themselves. I mean they're a great band to watch live, but they have no real gusto.  They're just a novelty.  It's like Twisted Sister of the 200os.  They novelty and attraction, but nothing really else.  And THAT'S why they are doomed to the existence of playing just the festivals and opening for M.I.A. and shit, but they're NEVER gonna get real legitimacy.

"The reason you get to wear tight pants is because you walk around acting like you're going to fuck anything that moves."

That came out of nowhere...

Used bookstore owners are FUCKING DICKS

Something about spring I read on the internet

"One reason the economy is so sour is that nobody wants to tote barges or lift bales, they want to be edgy and multilayered and express their anguish in some colorful and inexplicable way."


Very true, Garrison Keillor. Very true

Clickity-Clack!

Say, Mark! Did you do anything cool over spring break?

And my answer is HELL YEAH!

Words can't express how excited I am for the new Thermals album.

Like discovering masturbation excited.

The only sanity outside of contact with finals and girlfriends

First:  apparently the new to-do "no shit" story local news hits a lot is "sexting"... way to hit the trend... oh, idon'tknow... 3 years behind on the trend.  

I remember my friend (and those who are close to me already know who it is) back when I was a Sophomore IN HIGH SCHOOL showed me a nude picture of a Junior, and I assumed this was obviously going to happen with the horniest demographic in the Northern Hemisphere (trust me, I use to be one)

Oh! Fuck! and the worst part was during a local news segment they associated this one poor girl with committing suicide literally saying "Because her boyfriend's friend saw this picture, she committed suicide".  Could you be a LITTLE more irresponsible with your parental paranoia? Fucking KOMO-4 News...

Second: Nightline's quality of journalism is HORRIBLE

Third: This:

actual caption to News Politics News (which happens to be neither of):
"Pandemonium erupted outside of an "America's Next Top Model" casting call at CW Studios in midtown Saturday when an overheating car triggered a stampede of catwalk-craving cuties. Screaming as they ran for their lives, hundreds of hotties in heels toppled over barricades along W. 55th St. after several people in the crowd started yelling, "There's a bomb!""

My thoughts on "Late Night With Jimmy Fallon"

Ok I've been formulating my thoughts about this for a couple days now, and, well, I watch a lot of late night television.

So let me start off by saying that Craig Ferguson is up there with Joel McHale and Adam Carolla.

(that probably made no sense to anybody)

ANYWAYS here's how it is.

Jimmy Fallon is trying to hit the younger demographics, and he's pushing it too hard. I mean like too softly.

I'll explain.

One night last week he was doing some sort of skit where he would pan around the audience with a camera and tell them their "facebook status"

I know.

But his problem is the problem with most major markets.  They're hitting the target audience, but they're not hitting them right.

I mean, ok so they have The Roots as the house band, obvious smart move.  They talk about about facebook, ok well sort of.  Frat boys don't tend to watch late night talk shows, and (ok now I KNOW this is a broad generalization, but stick with me here) those are the kind of people who tend to mentally say "Oh! I know that thing he/she is talking about! That makes it funny!"

And the obvious thing to say here is: well maybe they're trying to LURE the "frat boy" demographic into this tube trap.

Ok sure, but when the "frat boy" demographic is up at 12:30 on a Tuesday they're either:

a. Systematically lowering some poor girls self-esteem.

b. Drinking

c. A combination of the 2 as well as looking for something on TV that is MUCH more vulgar.

and Jimmy doesn't deliver with that.  So it comes off as a sort-of g-rated college show that is talking about Twitter (which I still don't get)

So this is where The Roots and "talking about Facebook" diverge.  You are trying to simultaneously hit both the, I guess what you could call... hipster, self-aware humor types AND the "frat boy" types.

NOW: The Solution.

Pick one or the other.

If you go for the frat type: Hire Dane Cook, make the set all "urban alternative" looking.  usually like a back alley environment or something.  Talk more about penises.  Use more physical comedy. No house band, just outro and intro shit with popular songs.  Boom, 12:30-1:30 gold.

If you go for the hipster etc etc type: Hire someone obscure; possibly Mike Rowe or Patton Oswalt.  Keep The Roots, or hire a house type band, but BE SURE that the band leader is not the keyboardist, drummer, guitarist, or saxophonist.  IT'S BEEN DONE, and the piss-ants (myself included) will latch onto it and write nasty blogs online about it. 

You're welcome, NBC

It's been approximately 3 hours since I finished my last major paper for the year.  I've knocked out half my r.a. stuff. It's taken me approximately 1.4 episodes to appreciate Entourage. It took me 3.1 before I realized it was fucking 1:25 in the morning.

How can something be so stupid and narcissistic and pointless be so enjoyable?